The Wish List !!

Here I go.... Completed quarter a century.. Lived one fourth of my life.. Thought so much, wanted to achieve so much but seems like I stand on ground zero, still struggling to deepen my individuality.. Sometimes it feels great when you live life on your own terms. When you take your own decisions, when you travel alone, when you stay alone. But at the same time your decisions are always dependent on others, sometimes parents, sometimes friends.. Have you ever thought what you have done for your happiness? Have you ever done something which makes you feel happy, which brings smile on your face?..Hmmmmm not really..Isn't it?

Last night I saw this Hindi movie- Dasvidaniya ( meaning Good Bye in Russian ).. a light genre movie, where the main protagonist is diagnosed  with cancer and realized, what all he had missed in his 37 years of life and then decides to fulfill  his top 10 wishes before he dies.. starting from learning to play guitar to fall in love.. The movie kind of inspired me to work on my own wish list.. What I want to do in life and when I grow old I should have a good stock of stories and real time experiences to pass on to my next generation and more of it when I die I shouldn't die with this repent in my heart that I've never done anything for myself..

I still remember that day when I told Maa that I want to color my hair.. Well she wasn't really convinced..She thinks a bong girl should have long black lustrous hair.. and me being a "Good Girl" didn't go against her.. Then came the idea of getting my rim pierced.. Maa came up with the idea of getting my nose pierced.. and she tried to bribe me also with a diamond nose pin.. Yuckk... I never liked nose piercing.. and she thinks that only tribal people pierce their ear rim. Again I have to suppress my wish..

 Daddy wanted me to learn music.. He thinks music is in my blood.. but Harmonium never attracted me, though I like to listen to others when they sing and yes all the girls in my family sing quite well,me being an exception.. I wanted to learn classical dancing which again never happened.. But now I think if I really wanted to do this I should have done it..Why I waited for someone to say " YES..Go for it.."?

Being a single child, I've grown up alone... Being with someone, growing with someone is a feeling that I've always craved for..  Now I want to raise a puppy.. I know there is no connect me being a single child and raising a puppy but yes that's my wish and one day I would definitely get a puppy and prove everybody wrong who thinks that I am not old enough to take responsibilities..

Well getting myself inked is one more thing that really excites me. All my friends say that I am a real Virgo, I am someone who is very earthy and feminine.. will make a good mother and wife.... Soon I'm getting inked, Virgin Maiden or Virgo Symbol..

Life is all about gaining experiences..and you always end up learning something new..There is an old saying "It's better to be late than never".. and Now when my wisdom tooth is coming in and I've entered into the 25th year of my life, I make a fresh start.. and it starts with pampering myself , listening to my heart and keeping myself happy.. They say " WE ARE YOUNG ONLY ONCE"...

When Monotony Strikes

When monotony strikes, I look at the sky

I search for my star, which leads my fate,

It looks so bright, makes me shine,

Since birth to mourn,they say it's mine,

Guiding my destiny , making me fly,

When I want something ,it makes me Sigh,

I crave for it,  I pray to my God,

To give me strength, make me bold,

When the days are bright, the Sun is high,

I walk down the road, I see them crawl,

I hope for the best, filled with zest,

The light gets down, the sky gets dark,

I look at the sky, I search for my star,

Which leads my fate,every now and then,

I wait for the dawn, I make a new start,

I walk down the road, I see them crawl.

When monotony strikes, I look at the sky...

Wedding Bells All Around

One fine morning you just wake up and see that the world is moving on a different note altogether,there is something different in the breeze,something which is so soothing but at the same time its very ill fitting and then you discover that all your girl friends are getting married,all of them with whom you have grown up,shared your thick and thin,with whom you have planned about your wedding and how your prince charming would be and blah blah,they won't be Bachelorette anymore like you .Soon they will become somebody's wife,daughter-in-law and would be eligible for all the relations which we have on this earth. You are no more in the list of their bandwagon and soon they will create an isolated society for themselves and you have to be a registered Mrs. to enroll your name there. Now their priorities in life would change,they won't be there for you through out the night when you are not getting sleep and want somebody to talk to.They would be resting on their hubby dear's arms when you are talking to your inner conscience since you had a bad day and you wanted to share how it was.

 Is marriage an equator which divides a woman's life into two halves?Are both these halves totally different from each other? Is life totally different with the vermilion on your forehead? Well to know all the queries I've to be one among them I guess.
Wishing you all a very happy and successful married life Sistas :-)
 I wish life always remains the same for us.

The Cyclist

Every woman wants to grab a little bit of attention, be it at any point of her age. But what if it becomes one of the embarrassing situations of your life and leaves you with a sense of intimidation and guilt.
One evening I was going back to my hostel from my aunt's place .Today was just like any other day; I got down from the auto, paid the auto driver and started walking towards the hostel which was hardly half a kilometer away from the stand. Suddenly, it seemed as if someone was following me on a bicycle but then thought might be just a factory worker so I started walking, but again after few minutes I realized that actually he is following me. It is dark by now and no one was there on this narrow sultry street apart from some children playing football in the nearby ground in the dark. My heart started beating faster so as the rate of his paddle. He was next to me on his bicycle and started making a circular motion around me as if he was doing some stunts and singing some Hindi song. I did not even presume to see him and kicked very hard on the wheel of his bicycle with my right leg. He fell down nearby a drain. Then I started running to reach the nearest lamp post to get some light and ask for help, at that point the light was oxygen for me. I reached there; people were passing by and saw some familiar faces too. I was relaxed and took a deep breath.
I look back to see whether that guy is still behind me or not. What I see was something catastrophic and made me feel so indictable. A boy not more than 13-14 years old was coming with his bicycle with wounded elbows. Though the next few days were a bit frightening, thankfully I never saw him again.

Interpretation Of My Dreams

I have wings,I am flying,trust me I am flying.My city looks so splendid from the top.A rare view which I am enjoying now.I always wanted to fly and  today its my day.I am on cloud nine virtually as well as rationally.The view is amazingly beautiful.The roads which are always engorged with traffic jams are unobstructed now.The street lights are scintillating.

This is the best time to go out for shopping.

I want to have a cold coffee but all the coffee shop is closed now.There is a coffee shop facing the sea and my favorite music in the background. My neighbor is the waiter here.

I have a fear,a nightmare that someday I would be lost in a mystifying forest.I am crying.I am sitting alone.I wish I should have slept early today.

Yes,finally I am here,the beach.Oops I forget to carry my sunscreen lotion.I am tanned. I've a family gathering tonight.I look ugly.

Tomorrow is my economics exam.Why the hell I am suffering from this migraine pain today?? 

An auditorium full of audiences.I am a renowned singer.

I am tired,I want to get back to my bed.Damn..I am missing my bolster.Its a burdensome task to fly..My body need rest.

The Herby

The small herby outside my bedroom window has become a small habitat for some living creatures.It look so serene in the morning when the first ray of the sunlight sparkles on the dews, greenery everywhere,the birds chirping,the mongoose running and many more species sustaining their life there.They have created a small world for them on that herby.I keep on observing their life whenever I am idle and it gives me a special kind of strength and being on trance I find myself so much related to that place.Some of the species are born and brought up there and some of them are migrated from some other places.I dont know what made them to leave their old home but I guess they are much more happier now in their new home.The herby if full of life and energy,I highly esteem nature's this creation. But when the dark falls,the life become so stagnant there.


             I am feeling so down today.There are many moments when you just dont feel like being happy.I was all alone.I opened my bedroom window to get some fresh air to breathe.I stand alone, gazing out of the window,it is dark outside today,the sky is full of clouds.I can now hardly differentiate between the branches and the leaves.The herby look so scary,it looks like a dreaded forest today,it never looked like this before.I've been observing these place form past three and half years,I am ageing with it.I've seen it growing ,nourishing and expanding,but today for the first time it has created a fear in me,in what context that I still dont know.But I left the window open for some fresh ventilation.I lay down on my bed with a magazine,tried to concentrate on that to brush up my mood but it wasnt effective.The outside view was drawing my attention.So, I thought to stand near the window and look outside.


There is an uncanny smell and flow in the wind today,a spine chilling wind.I am numb,it seems that my body temperature is falling now.I am experiencing an outer force above my body.I want to scream,I want to call you but, my throat is chocked.
I am a new member in the herby family now.